Friday, January 29, 2016

when i think too much....

Sometimes I sit in my house and look around and just think if only that wall was painted. If my floors were actually finished. If I could see what I was cooking on the stove, but the (no light) old fan looms so low overhead that I can’t very well and pictures are always out of the question. If only my chairs were nicely painted and I had a cover for that ugly pink couch. Oh and that the old china cabinet, why does it exist at all? And that my windows would magically be finished so I get blinds, so I could remove those sheets. And that my sliding door was fixed or at least that I could purchase a new blind so whenever I’m home during the daylight (once every month) I could open it and enjoy the sunshine for a moment. For once it would be nice to come home to a completely finished house, one that didn’t look half put together. I mean I look at my table for instance, that cloth covering it looks like something straight from a flea market (and not in a good way)….why is it on there in the first place, I hardly even sit there to eat. I normally eat on the run…plate on sink while I put my makeup on in the morning and for dinner I’m so tired if I eat it’s normally swallowed on the couch. Oh and I wish i had time to actually enjoy cooking. And to take decent pictures of things I bake, to share on here…it’s so dark by the time I actually get in the kitchen that it’s out of the question. Also I’m not going to mention all the wonderful creations that I’ve burnt because I feel asleep. Well oops I guess I just did didn’t I?!?!?

Well the other night when I should have been sleeping all these thoughts were running through my head and then all of a sudden I realized. I’m focusing on what I don’t have instead of what I do. I owe 4.5 acres of sunshine (and mud at the moment=) it’s mine. I’m free!!!! No one tells me what I can’t have or do here…my childhood dreams are coming true. I bought a pig to butcher, I’m going to process my own pork!!!…something I’ve wanted to do since reading Laura Ingalls. Life isn’t about the stuff we own or have. Life is about others and we can only enjoy it if we choose to. Life is a gift from God and the only kind of gifts I’ve ever received we’re meant to be enjoyed. It’s about taking time to sit in my horses stall and talk to him instead of hauling that one last load of firewood.  I seem to not do the things I enjoy most because I feel guilty afterwards…but that shouldn’t be that way. Life is meant to be enjoyed. So once I get this concept down pat and have finally incorporated it into my workaholic mind/life, y’all will be the first to know=)

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Wednesday, January 13, 2016

a simple white sunday

I know I've been silent a long has just gotten so busy! It's like I'm on fast forward. So lately I've just been trying to learn to balance my life and work. I work endless hours on the clock and at home. And realized at the start of 2016 that I needed time of doing absolutely nothing. Doing this is actually more difficult than working for this girl=) 

Sunday we got our first snow, here in Indiana. It was a lovely, wet, damp snow...sticking to everything in sight as it floated downward. After church I came home to a cozy afternoon of just me. After tramping around outdoors in my lovely white world and taking a mini photo session of myself in the blissful wonderland. I settled to an afternoon of reading and drinking tea.
I sat quiet and concentrated on how my drink smelled, tasted and felt. This may sound dumb, but I don't think I've just enjoyed the simple act of drinking, in - well I can't remember when.
I sat in front of my window and did nothing except watch the snow fall and marvel at all God's beauty around me.

I let go of the guilt of doing absolutely nothing, for an hour on Sunday. I've decided that by doing nothing on Sunday I was actually giving myself a chance to be more productive and mindful in the future. 

Until next time,


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